“What Am I Supposed to Do With That?”

Understandably, my first blog post  https://theslowthaw.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/the-slow-thaw/ might have caused a little confusion among those who know me or who have gotten to know me since I have been sober.  I received a ton of support from the people I knew would support me, but I also recognize that there are probably some friends and family who just don’t know what to say so they remain quiet.  Their reactions tend to fall under a few categories:

1) “Wow! I had no idea! (and have no idea what to say to that)”

2) “Maybe I didn’t really want to know THAT much about you.”

3) “How did I NOT know this about you??”

4) “How should I treat you now that I DO know?”

These are just an example, but a few thoughts that I’d like to focus on. For EVERY SINGLE PERSON who read my first blog, the answer to the title question here is simple:

Nothing different.

I didn’t tell these truths because I wanted attention, needed excuses, craved understanding by others, or any other reason that involves changing how other people see me or react to me. My reasons were much simpler than that. I originally wrote that blog without intention to publish it, just to share with a select group of blogger friends to see if I was getting my thoughts across the way I wanted. That was a big step for me.  Then I found out that a young girl I know was having her own secrets, and was ashamed to tell those of us who love her.  Knowing how shame and guilt can eat away at your soul, it breaks my heart to know someone close to me is sitting thinking they are alone in their struggles.  A mutual friend of ours said to me “Do you ever wonder how many of us  have the same type of stories? I do. You and I have lived mirrored lives in so many ways both before and afterward. Why should we be surprised to find other young women that are mirrors as well? I am sitting here w/a lump in my throat after reading that thinking ‘Damn girl, you too huh?’. We’re everywhere…we’re mothers and daughters and lawyers and clerks and everything in between.”  I knew then that I needed to post that blog, if for no other reason than to let people know that we ARE everywhere.  If not for other people showing me their humanity and flaws, I would never have written that first post.  Guilt and shame are THAT strong. Which leads me to another belief:

Experience, strength and hope are that much stronger.

If you are worried that I will bare the worst of my experiences here, that is not the point of this blog.  No one needs to know every sordid detail of everything in my life.  There may be times that I disclose something for the purpose of showing the strength and hope that followed the experience.  THAT is the purpose here. Life does go on. Everyone faces their own challenges.  My challenges may be different from yours, but they also have given me strength and hope that I would have never believed I possessed in this lifetime.  For that, I can’t wish them away. I can’t change my past, and as hard as that is some times, it has made me exactly who I am in this moment.  For that I am grateful.

So, if you are still stuck on what to say or do, a few final thoughts.  I am still the same person I was last week. The only difference is, I was a little more honest with you this week.  Isn’t that the way people who care about each other should act?  ❤